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Throughout her life, Dolly Parton kept reminding me of something beautiful about being human.
Perhaps you noticed it too.
Her death has brought an outpouring of affection from people who otherwise might agree on very little. And it leaves me wondering: What was it about Dolly? Talent alone doesn’t explain it. Success doesn’t explain it. Even her extraordinary generosity doesn’t fully explain it.
DOLLY PARTON DIES AT THE AGE OF 80: A LOOK AT HER LIFE THROUGH PHOTOS
I suspect we recognized something deeper — a way of being human that somehow enlarged the humanity around her.
Many years ago, my friend Archbishop Desmond Tutu introduced me to an African word that has stayed with me ever since: Ubuntu. It is often translated as “I am because we are.”
Over time, I have experienced Ubuntu less as a definition and more as a way of moving through the world. It is the quiet conviction that another person’s life can become larger because you showed up. It is the belief that another person’s humanity matters too much to be reduced to a label, a failure, a fear, or someone else’s judgment.
Dolly Parton struck me as someone who intuitively Ubuntued her way through life.
DOLLY PARTON’S ‘ALL-AMERICAN HEART’: HOW COUNTRY ICON FORGED SPECIAL BOND WITH US MILITARY
In an America increasingly divided into competing camps and tribes, she was one of our great exceptions. Conservatives admired her. Liberals admired her. Christians admired her. People with no religious affiliation admired her. Rural America admired her. Urban America admired her.
Dolly Parton is gone. But what we loved in her isn’t.
She seemed to delight in people. She didn’t require that people become more like her before she could enjoy them.
Want to have some of what Dolly had? Lean into Ubuntu.
Most of us know what it feels like to be reduced to a label, a mistake, a fear, or someone else’s judgment.
And most of us have encountered someone who refused to leave us there.
Perhaps you’ve known someone who saw more in you than the labels that had been placed upon you.
Perhaps you’ve encountered someone who made it feel safe to speak in your own voice.
DOLLY PARTON’S LIFE IN HER OWN WORDS: FROM SMOKY MOUNTAINS POVERTY TO COUNTRY MUSIC IMMORTALITY
Perhaps you’ve known what it feels like when another person’s belief in you arrived before your belief in yourself.
Perhaps you’ve known someone who called forth a larger version of yourself than you could yet imagine.
People like this leave us feeling more alive.
Perhaps that’s because we are not completed in isolation. We are enlarged through encounter.
I have yet to meet anyone who isn’t carrying more than they should. Maybe that’s why another person’s humanity can feel so nourishing. Someone sees us. Believes in us. Delights in us. And something in us comes alive.
I have no idea whether Dolly Parton ever heard the word Ubuntu. But I suspect she understood it instinctively.
Her Imagination Library put hundreds of millions of books into the hands of children, most of whom she would never meet. The number is extraordinary. But perhaps more revealing is what it says about her: she believed in the possibilities of children she did not know.
We saw that same instinct in the way she encountered people — in her easy laughter, her delight in others, and her apparent belief that the person in front of her mattered. She used her success to enlarge possibilities for people far beyond herself.
Dolly Ubuntued.
Dolly Parton performs at Glastonbury music festival, June 29, 2014. (Jonathan Short/Invision/AP, File)
One of the things I love most about Ubuntu is that nobody has to qualify for it. There is no means test, no dress code, no success code, no educational requirement, no preferred political party, no preferred religion, no preferred heritage, no preferred ZIP code, no VIP entrance, and no secret handshake.
Bring your humanity. That’s it.
We are changed, nourished, challenged and enlarged through our encounters with one another — sometimes most unexpectedly by people whose lives seem different from our own.
In a world that constantly encourages us to sort, rank, label, and separate ourselves from one another, Ubuntu offers an astonishing possibility: none of us becomes fully human alone. Your humanity strengthens mine while mine expands yours.
We need one another’s humanity in order to thrive.
Ubuntu may help us survive difficult seasons. But its deeper promise is that we flourish.
Not despite one another.
Through one another.
The older I get, the more convinced I become that this is not simply a beautiful idea. It is a practical truth. We are changed, nourished, challenged and enlarged through our encounters with one another — sometimes most unexpectedly by people whose lives seem different from our own.
And we don’t encounter this only in people whose names the world knows.
It appears in teachers and neighbors, nurses and firefighters, grandparents and lifelong friends, and complete strangers. In someone who saw more in you than you could see in yourself. In someone whose humanity surprised you because their life seemed so different from your own.
And chances are, you’ve been that person for someone else.
Ubuntu is not merely a word. It’s a human thing — a way of helping one another flourish, of becoming more fully ourselves, and of discovering that neither of us necessarily leaves an encounter unchanged.
Humanity is one of the few things in life that grows when it is shared. When we strengthen another person’s humanity, we strengthen our own.
Dolly Parton is gone. But what we loved in her isn’t.
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It is still possible every time someone refuses to reduce another person to a label. Every time someone believes in another person before that person can believe in themselves. Every time one human being calls forth something larger in another — and discovers that they, too, have been enlarged.
Maybe that’s some of what Dolly was showing us all along.
So let’s celebrate humanity.
Let’s celebrate the people who enlarge it.
You’ve been Ubuntued.
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Perhaps you’ve Ubuntued others.
Let’s Ubuntu together.
