Trinny Woodall recently revealed that she has no qualms about cutting folk out of her life if they bring her down, saying: ‘I’m ruthless when it comes to letting go of people from my life. If people drain my energy they have to go, friends should bring each other energy.’
Such people are often referred to as ‘energy vampires’, feeding off others with behaviours that leave the target weary and depleted.
Alla Svirinskaya, energy healer to the stars and author of the best-selling book Energy Rules, says: ‘Feeding off other people’s energy is something we’re all capable of doing. It rarely occurs due to premeditated malice but rather low self-esteem, inner void and lack of awareness.’
Could you be and energy vampire? Here Claudia Connell looks at the traits of worst offenders while Alla reveals the effect the behaviour has on the victim’…
Trinny Woodall recently revealed that she has no qualms about cutting folk out of her life if they bring her down
The chatterbox
Conversation should be a two-way thing, but you ramble on with your unfiltered flow never pausing for breath and failing to pick up on cues that someone is bored.
Alla says: ‘The other person is overwhelmed by a feeling of being trapped. They don’t know how to end the chatterbox’s monologue and feel drained by the vampire’s constant demand on their focus. You must learn to talk with people not at them.’
The manipulator
Always in touch when you want help or need advice before disappearing for weeks on end when a person is no longer of use to you. Perhaps you’ve committed the ultimate manipulator bad energy move of being a ‘friend thief,’ latching on to your victim’s friends and then cutting her out of the equation.
Alla says: ‘As soon as someone realises they are being used for their connections and contacts and their generosity has been abused, it can result in a long-lasting lack of trust in new people.
‘Healthy friendships should benefit both parties.’
The negative nelly
We all like a moan but you seem to do nothing but complain. Not only is your glass always half empty, there’s probably a fly or hair in it most of the time too.
Being a ‘misery sponge’ for a relentlessly gloomy friend can result in feeling wrung-out and deflated.
Alla says: ‘Behaving in this way can make the other person doubt themselves and their own positive outlook. They have to ‘shrink’ their light to accommodate your shadow. You need to take things less personally, accept people make mistakes and stop twisting narratives to support your idea that everything is negative and hopeless. It isn’t!’
The gossip
Who doesn’t enjoy some juicy gossip from time to time? But when you live for it, it can make others anxious.
Do you start every conversation with: ‘Did you hear the rumour..?’ Perhaps you pass on information that you know isn’t true but don’t care because it makes a good yarn. The problem is that at some point your friends are going to wonder what you might be saying about them.
Alla says: ‘People often do this to boost their own low self-esteem. They uplift themselves by bringing others down. Eventually friends will stop trusting you and your friendships will become shallow and void of any intimate connection.’
The showboat
You need to be centre stage at all times, even if it’s another person’s time to shine. A birthday celebration, a work promotion or an anniversary – you’ll find a way of stealing the limelight and making it all about yourself.
Alla says: ‘Even if a friend initiates a conversation about their success or glory, this person will find a way to turn it into how incredible they are. Your friends begin to feel like mere mirrors that you use to admire your own reflection. You make people feel lonely in your presence due to your self-absorption and lack of empathy.
The eternal victim and martyr
Nothing that goes wrong in your life is ever down to you or the consequence of your actions. You might even possess the double whammy energy vampire tendency of playing the martyr.
You help others and make sacrifices but resent it and let others know how hard done by you feel.
Alla says: ‘These people often ask friends for advice and then lose interest if the friend doesn’t support their victim narrative. People feel drained when you turn them into a rubbish bin to dump your toxic venting onto, while martyrs suffocate others with their projected guilt.’
