Gemma Kirby promised her husband over and over again she would stop drinking.
But weeks, or even days, later she would inevitably find herself waking up at 6am, blurry eyed and nauseous, with a lipstick-lined wine glass on her bedside table and Shiraz splattered all over her white carpet.
The mother of three and self-described ‘control freak’ would groan in shame. ‘I’ve done it again.’
By this time, her husband Roger would have already left for work and no doubt seen the evidence of his wife’s drinking from the night before.
It didn’t used to be like this. Gemma, from Queensland, Australia, never used to rely on alcohol to get her through the day.
Her habit had started with an ‘innocent’ glass of sweet Moscato with dinner – but, like all addictions, this soon wasn’t enough.
Her nightly ‘wind-down’ routine soon spiralled into two bottles of ‘heavy’ Shiraz and a quarter of a bottle of vodka every day. Twenty-one-and-a-half standard drinks in 24 hours. One hundred and fifty standard drinks a week.
In Australia, doctors recommend an absolute maximum of four drinks on any one day and 10 in a week to reduce to risk of alcohol-related injury.
Gemma Kirby (pictured with her husband and children) lost herself to alcohol addiction – and it was only when her husband asked, ‘Am I not enough?’ that she realised she had to change
Not only was it taking a toll on her body, but her wallet too. Gemma was spending an average of AU$760 (£385) a month on booze, or just over $9,000 (£4,575) a year.
‘It turned into a high-functioning alcohol addiction,’ Gemma, 32, tells me.
‘You feel like you’re always there – stuck at rock bottom. Every morning you wake up in this fog of shame, not being able to remember what you did the night before.
‘I would think to myself, “I deserve this, I’ve had a hard day and smashed through my to-do list.” The script would be on repeat.’
A series of tragedies spanning seven years led Gemma into the pits of alcoholism: a court case, a traumatising dog attack, social pressures and six miscarriages.
Under near-constant stress, she also fell victim to the social narrative so many of us are familiar with: ‘You deserve a drink, take a load off, you’ve had a hard day.’
And boy, did she hide her addiction well.
No one besides her husband knew anything was amiss. Gemma would keep her drinking to the confines of her own home or social events where everyone around her was doing the same.
Her habit had started with an ‘innocent’ glass of sweet Moscato with dinner – but, like all addictions, this soon wasn’t enough for Gemma, a mother of three from Queensland, Australia
Gemma’s daily ‘routine’ would involve drinking from 1pm to ensure she wasn’t over the limit in the morning so she could drive (she is pictured here with friends)
By 7pm she would’ve finished a bottle or two while ‘unwinding’ with her family in front of the TV, before stumbling to bed and waking in a panic to find her husband had already left for work
Her ‘routine’ was like clockwork.
Gemma would begin drinking at 1pm to ensure she wasn’t over the limit in the morning and could drive. By 7pm, she would have finished her second bottle while ‘unwinding’ with her family in front of the TV before stumbling to bed.
She gained weight over time, and at her heaviest tipped the scales at 120kg. At times, she would sob while looking in the mirror, barely recognising herself.
When she reflects on how she developed a drinking problem, Gemma admits her career as a professional musician likely has something to do with it.
Being a performer, she would often calm nerves by having a drink – or two, or three – before going on stage. At networking events she couldn’t turn down a drink either.
‘Drinking made me more confident, helped me perform better on stage and fun to be around,’ she tells me.
‘I was a binge drinker and would write myself off on weekends, even though I wouldn’t call myself a party girl.’
Her tolerance for alcohol built up over time, to the point where she could ‘smash two bottles’ and still functional. But the next day, she would feel fatigued, hungover and generally temperamental – in her words, ‘cranky at the world’.
Gemma gained weight over time, and at her heaviest tipped the scales at 120kg. At times, she would sob while looking in the mirror, barely recognising herself
Things were different when she was in her early twenties and working in the mines of Western Australia. There was a heavy drinking culture associated with the job and Gemma – who took her first drink at age 12 when she was offered a glass of champagne at Christmas – loathed it.
It was during this time she met her husband Roger, who doesn’t drink. He was eight years older and already a father to two children, aged five and seven at the time. They would later have a son of their own, who is now five.
Gemma admits that while she has fond memories of falling for Roger, she ‘essentially became a mum overnight’ and the couple also bought a farm together, which brought a lot of responsibility for a 23-year-old.
Her rock bottom came after a traumatic dog attack in July 2022 that left her toddler in hospital with a pierced eye socket
When she reflects on how she developed a drinking problem, Gemma admits her career as a professional musician likely has something to do with it
Her rock bottom came after a traumatic dog attack in July 2022 that left her toddler in hospital with a pierced eye socket.
Gemma was jumping on the trampoline with her son one afternoon when they decided to head indoors. Hand in hand, they walked back to their Queenslander home when suddenly the family dog, Silver, sprung out from under the house. In a random act of aggression, the dog grabbed the toddler’s head with his jaw, piercing his eye socket and narrowly missing his eye.
‘My son was dragged out of my hand in a split second,’ Gemma recalls.
Blood was everywhere. Gemma screamed in horror and yelled out for Roger. The dog violently shook the child as if he were prey.
Gemma leapt on the dog in attempt to free her son and during the struggle was bitten on the foot. She also broke her shoulder and hand.
Her most horrific memory of that day is finally pulling the dog off then looking at her son and being unable to see his eye. Running on adrenaline as Roger provided first aid, the awful thought crossed her mind that her son would be blind in one eye.
Luckily the dog’s teeth narrowly missed his eyeball and the youngster’s vision is fine today, which Gemma says is a ‘miracle’.
She still doesn’t know why Silver attacked her son.
In the depths of her addiction, a plea from Roger helped her to see the light. ‘Am I not enough? Is our family not enough?’ Roger begged her. His words broke her heart
Following the dog attack, Gemma developed post-traumatic stress disorder and her alcohol abuse escalated significantly as she struggled to cope.
Unable to wipe the awful vision of what happened to her son from her mind, drink became a comfort blanket, a friend who would welcome her home with open arms and make her feel better. It also helped her sleep at night.
Shockingly, friends she confided in didn’t think her drinking was a big deal.
‘I told loved ones what I was going through but they never took me seriously. I felt alone,’ Gemma says.
‘I wondered if I was in the wrong at all. I thought, “Maybe it’s not as bad as I think, maybe my husband is being a buzzkill, maybe it’s his issue because he doesn’t drink?”‘
In the depths of her addiction, a plea from Roger helped her to see the light.
‘Am I not enough? Is our family not enough of a reason for you to stop this? I love you, we need to do this,’ Roger begged her. His words broke her heart.
From that moment on, she decided to take control of the situation with both hands. She didn’t quit cold turkey like some addicts do, but instead committed to changing her bad habits with the support of a therapist.
Now, having been sober for more than two years, Gemma is proud of herself for kicking the habit, but one downside is feeling excluded from social events because she’s a non-drinker.
‘I often don’t get invited because I don’t drink, which I think is crazy. I still know how to have fun! And I don’t need alcohol to do it,’ she says.
‘I guess my sobriety makes other people realise their bad drinking habits. But sometimes it’s easier to tell people I’m drinking a gin and tonic when it’s really non-alcoholic.’
While some problem drinkers are able to reintroduce alcohol in moderation, Gemma has decided to stay completely sober. Without booze in her life, she feels healthier and happier than ever before, eats well and even goes to the gym five times a week.
But perhaps the greatest gift of sobriety, she tells me, is being able to set a better example for her son and stepchildren.
