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At 35 years old, you might have a mortgage, two kids, a six-figure salary and an MBA degree hanging on the wall. And you still might want to call your parents before making a major financial decision.
That isn’t a walk of shame. It might actually be financially savvy.
Somewhere along the way, we decided that becoming an adult meant we were supposed to have all the answers about money. By 35, you’re supposed to understand investing, mortgages, taxes, insurance, retirement, college savings and how much house you can afford.
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Really?
Asking your parents for financial advice is a smart move. They have more financial knowledge and scars, and they also know you better. (iStock)
You can have an MBA and still make terrible money decisions. I see people do this every day. I’ve met incredibly successful executives who couldn’t explain their 401(k). Entrepreneurs who built multimillion-dollar businesses but carried ridiculous credit card debt. Highly educated professionals who bought way too much house because the bank told them they could “afford” it.
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Education gives you knowledge. Experience gives you scar tissue. And your parents may have 30 or 40 years of financial scar tissue you haven’t earned yet.
They’ve lived through recessions. Stock market crashes. Housing booms and busts. Layoffs. Inflation. Raising kids. Unexpected medical bills. Bad investments. Good investments. Maybe even a financial decision or two they wish they could take back.
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You can’t download that from ChatGPT or learn all of it in business school. So why wouldn’t you ask?
The mistake is confusing asking your parents for financial advice with asking your parents for financial support. Those are two completely different conversations.
The Wall Street Journal has explored how the Bank of Mom and Dad increasingly stays open well into adulthood, with parents helping grown children with everything from housing to everyday expenses.
That’s where the line can get blurry. If you’re 35 and asking Dad whether putting 20% down on a house makes sense, that’s advice. If you’re asking Dad to provide the 20% because you spent your down payment on a $90,000 Range Rover, that’s a different problem.
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There’s another reason your parents may be worth calling. They probably know you better emotionally than your financial advisor does. Your father may know you tend to chase the next shiny investment. Your mother may remember that every time you’ve stretched your budget, you’ve regretted it.
Education gives you knowledge. Experience gives you scar tissue. And your parents may have 30 or 40 years of financial scar tissue you haven’t earned yet.
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Sometimes the best financial advice isn’t, “Can I afford this?” It’s your mother saying, “Ted (or she would probably say Theodore Michael), you know yourself. You’re going to hate that payment six months from now.”
That’s not financial planning. That’s financial self-awareness.
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Of course, your parents shouldn’t automatically get the final vote.
The financial world has changed. Their 12% mortgage from 1985 existed alongside dramatically different home prices. Pensions have largely given way to 401(k)s. Today’s tax rules, investment choices and retirement strategies are different.
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Your parents’ experience is valuable. It isn’t infallible.
That’s why, at 35, I would ask Mom and Dad three questions before making a major money decision:
- What am I not thinking about?
- Have you ever made a similar decision and regretted it?
- If you were my age again, what would you do differently?
There’s another reason your parents may be worth calling. They probably know you better emotionally than your financial advisor does.
Then make your own decision. Because financial independence shouldn’t mean pretending you know everything.
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Being 35 means you don’t need your parents’ permission anymore. But being smart enough to still ask for their wisdom?
That’s called growing up.
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