When Nancy Loera was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer, there was one devastating side effect she wasn’t prepared for.
The 50-year-old from Texas who was very sociable and enjoyed meeting an array of people through her work as a Zumba and yoga instructor, suddenly found herself hit by crippling loneliness.
Ms Loera was the victim of cancer ghosting – when friends and loved ones cease all contact after someone receives a lifechanging diagnosis.
The loss of friends and some relatives was distressing, and completely unexplained.
After losing her long hair, Ms Loera says the isolation got worse as people she was previously close to were afraid to look at her, because she didn’t look the same.
‘My hair was 17 inches long, and all of a sudden I don’t have hair,’ Ms Loera explained.
Adding to her pain, both her parents died after she found out she had cancer, while her sister was also diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.
Ms Loera, who is now eight months into remission, says the issue is that many people are ‘so afraid to talk about cancer.’
When Nancy Loera was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer, there was one devastating side effect that she wasn’t expecting: ghosting
Her experience of losing relatives during the most challenging time of her life is not an uncommon one.
In fact, one survey of cancer patients found 75 percent had seen their friends and relatives cut contact after revealing their diagnosis.
Karen Selby, a registered nurse at the Mesothelioma Center in Orlando, Florida, told DailyMail.com of a cancer patient she cared for who said that after his diagnosis ‘all but one of his friends have stopped communicating with him altogether.’
Luckily, Ms Loera found a source of support through the Cancer Support Community North Texas (CSCNT) group, which holds regular social events.
She attended a lunch gettogether and said it was so uplifting after spending months dining alone.
The Texan recalled: ‘I remember one day I was feeling so down about everything going on and the CSCNT group had lunch with me.
‘I received nothing but love. Everybody at CSCNT makes you feel like you are so important, and you don’t have to go through this alone.’
The group’s CEO, Michelle Louis, told NBC 5 that it is often difficult for loved ones of patients as they feel overwhelmed by the situation.
Offering some tips on how best to navigate the situation, she said: ‘Here’s how you can support your friend without it being overwhelming. Just be honest and just say, “You know, I’m afraid. I don’t know what questions to ask.”
Luckily, Ms Loera (pictured third from left) found a source of support through the Cancer Support Community North Texas group, which holds regular social events
‘I think if you can talk about ever normalizing a conversation around cancer, I think maybe, that’s what Cancer Support Community does.’
Often, when relatives or friends sever contact with a sick person, it has nothing to do with the sick person.
Instead, the ‘ghosting’ is borne out of fear of or trauma from similar previous experiences and may be a person’s way of protecting themselves.
Another patient who goes unnamed described on Reddit the feeling of being ghosted after their cancer diagnosis as ‘shocking and confusing’ and ‘just not something I could even imagine doing.’
They said: ‘[My close friend group] also collectively ignored my 30th birthday which was just a few months after my diagnosis… This for me nullifies the ‘they didn’t know what to say’ excuse. It doesn’t take much eloquence to text a friend ‘happy birthday.”
They said that now, around three years after starting treatment, the abandonment still hurts and even angers them.
They added: ‘I’m honestly not confident that me telling them now that ghosting me was superbly hurtful would generate any productive outcomes. But at the same time it feels wrong that they are taking absolutely zero accountability.’
Ms Selby was surprised to find out, after hearing about it for the first time from her current patient, how pervasive this problem is. She said that, since she works in the medical field, patients are more likely to talk to her about their physical problems than emotional ones.
She said: ‘This is not just someone’s imagination of feeling neglected. It is happening to patients across the nation during a time when they are frankly in real need of both physical and emotional support from their friends and family.’
