Etiquette experts reveal if it is appropriate to break up with someone via text after the first date

Decoding dating etiquette is notoriously difficult – especially figuring out what the appropriate move is after a first date that’s not quite the right connection. 

While some singles appreciate a text after a first date saying it wasn’t a love match, others find it wildly offensive and would rather both parties ghost. 

To find out if it’s more polite to silently part ways or send a first date break up text, FEMAIL reached out to etiquette experts and a matchmaker who weighed in. 

Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts told DailyMail.com, ‘When Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw’s boyfriend Jack Berger broke up with her on a post-it note after being in a “relationship,” that was inexcusable.’ 

‘But after one date, it’s more like… it was nice to meet you. No break-up necessary, simply no interest,’ Lisa, who goes by the Golden Rules Gal on Instagram, revealed.

‘If it feels like neither party is interested and no discussion of a second date, it’s appropriate to simply part ways without a text,’ Lisa explained. ‘Sometimes silence communicates mutual disinterest better than words.’

Lisa, who’s based in San Francisco, said that when it comes to ending things, ‘timing matters.’  

‘No matter how much interaction you’ve had, if there isn’t a connection and no plans are discussed, things will naturally fizzle,’ Lisa said. ‘But if there are tentative plans or future dates, it’s courteous to send a text.’

Etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley, also known as Mister Manners, told DailyMail.com that unless an individual ‘follows up expressing interest in an another get-together,’ the second person should simply ‘not initiate further contact’

‘Ghosting after clear interest or effort isn’t kind,’ Lisa continued. 

Etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley, also known as Mister Manners agreed with Lisa, telling DailyMail.com, ‘If the person who was taken out has already expressed remarks of gratitude at the end of the evening, there is no etiquette rule dictating a next-day text proclaiming there will be no next date.’

‘After one date… no break-up necessary,’ etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts revealed

Mister Manners explained that unless an individual ‘follows up expressing interest in an another get-together,’ the second person should simply ‘not initiate further contact.’ 

‘Far better to let sleeping dogs lie and simply ghost one another than for well-intentioned politeness to create awkwardness,’ Mister Manners declared. 

He explained the only reason to send a text is if concrete plans have been made for a second date – and not just both parties saying, ‘We should do this again sometime,’ which he said ‘so often really means, “I have nothing better to say but I’m totally fine if we never see each other again.”‘

The expert said it’s better to send a direct text after one to three dates if ‘the more-interested or eager party is not absorbing the lack of connection.’

Mister Manners advised keeping the text short and simple with a compliment and remaining transparent without getting too specific. 

‘All in all, I think it is better to let a budding romance simply fizzle out – as long as both parties appear to be taking that route,’ Thomas summed it up.

‘All in all, I think it is better to let a budding romance simply fizzle out – as long as both parties appear to be taking that route,’ Thomas summed it up (stock image)

Dani Bergman, who starred on Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking, tells her clients, ‘If you had a great first date and wanted to see that person again, would you prefer them ghost you or send you a respectful message?’

Dani Bergman, who starred on Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking, tells her clients, ‘If you had a great first date and wanted to see that person again, would you prefer them ghost you or send you a respectful message?’ 

‘Respectful, direct messages are the way to go,’ Dani, who runs matchmaking events, told DailyMail.com. 

‘Tell them that you don’t feel the connection and no hard feelings – this simple interaction may lead you in another direction. They could have a friend that’s a better fit!’ 

Dani tells her clients to send texts that are simple, and to the point, giving them a script that says, ‘Hi, I really appreciate you taking me out tonight – it was a great time! I wanted to share that I’m dating more intentionally right now and this is not the connection I’m looking for. I wish you the best and hope to see you around!’

However, she does explain that some clients find it a bit unnecessary – but she thinks it means there are no loose ends.