‘Meet on Monday, official by Wednesday, explosive breakup at the party on Friday, single again by Sunday.’
That’s the reality of cruise crew hookup culture according to Lauren Heavner (@laurenheav), a professional vocalist who’s worked in the industry for over 10 years.
She’s lifting the lid on life as a crew member in an exclusive conversation with MailOnline Travel.
Read on to find out which area the crew are banned from, the surprising free item they can get in a vending machine and the three words every staff member dreads hearing…
The hook-up culture is ‘unhinged’
Lauren tells MailOnline: ‘The hook-up culture [between crew members] isn’t just wild – it’s unhinged.
‘Meet on Monday, official by Wednesday, explosive breakup at the crew party on Friday, single again by Sunday. Rinse and repeat until the contract ends and they slink back to their husbands and wives like nothing ever happened.’
And there’s an even ‘darker side’ to crew relationships.
Lauren Heavner has worked on cruise ships for over 10 years. She’s lifting the lift on crew life in an exclusive chat with MailOnline Travel
The professional singer reveals: ‘Women and men don’t just deal with drunken advances at the crew bar – they get harassed by people they’ve never even met. Cabin phone rings out of nowhere at all hours of the night.
‘Random messages from strangers who somehow know your handle on Instagram. Comments in the hallways, in the elevators, on the gangway. The entitlement cuts across all ranks. It’s not just a few bad apples. It’s baked into the cruise ship culture.’
Crew are banned from one area of the ship
While crew have varying levels of access around the ship dependent on their rank, there’s one facility that’s off-limits for every staff member.
Lauren reveals: ‘There’s one line no crew can cross – the casino. No exceptions. No loopholes. The floor is strictly for paying guests. The lights, the clatter of chips, the quiet desperation – it’s a world crew can only watch from the sidelines.’
And breaking the rules will result in harsh punishment.
‘There will be disciplinary action taken,’ explains Lauren. ‘Maybe even termination. Some people, especially those with a few extra stripes on their uniform, always get away with more. That’s just ship life – hierarchies and the unspoken understanding that fairness is a land-based concept.’
The food can be truly appalling
Lauren explains that crew can never enter the casino. She’s pictured above performing onboard. The singer explains that ‘booze flows 24/7 on a cruise ship
If you don’t enjoy ‘fish heads and rice’, working on a cruise ship might not be for you, explains Lauren, who claims she’s seen that very meal served in ‘certain crew messes’.
‘I’ve seen some truly appalling excuses for meals,’ says the singer.
She adds: ‘It’s a constant gripe at crew welfare meetings, but nothing ever really changes.
‘You get whatever’s slopped onto the trays in the crew mess – usually bottom tier, mass produced and an afterthought.’
Alcohol flows 24/7
Lauren says: ‘Booze flows on a cruise ship like an unholy tide.
‘Guests drink like they’re trying to forget something – or maybe just to make the buffet more interesting. Some never sober up, drifting from cocktail to cocktail like human flotsam.’
And the crew?
Whenever a cruise ship docks, it’s mandatory for a set percentage of the crew to stay onboard for safety reasons. Lauren is pictured above onboard a ship she worked on
Lauren with her fellow crew members
The singer explains: ‘Let’s just say the industry has always been a safe harbour for functional drunks.
‘Long hours, isolation, the kind of stress that makes a cold beer feel like salvation.’
The worst three words a crew member can hear
Whenever a cruise ship docks, it’s mandatory for a set percentage of the crew to stay onboard for safety reasons.
Who stays behind? Whichever crew members are assigned ‘In Port Manning’, says Lauren.
She explains: ‘It happens every five ports.
‘You pull the short straw and get stuck with ‘In Port Manning’ on a port day and suddenly, the ship feels like a ghost town.
‘No exotic markets, no beachside beers – just the hum of laundry machines and the dull chore of cleaning up your cabin that’s never quite home.’
![Lauren explains that ‘passengers will stop the crew in port [to ask questions] without fail’](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2025/03/19/15/96356939-14515693-image-a-35_1742397645139.jpg)
Lauren explains that ‘passengers will stop the crew in port [to ask questions] without fail’
Condoms are free but tampons aren’t
Lauren explains: ‘Late at night, the crew vending machines tell you everything you need to know about life below deck.
‘Chocolate bars and crisps are some hot items up for grabs.
‘And then there’s the most popular selection of all – the condoms. No money needed for these items, just press the button and out it comes.
‘I just wish feminine hygiene products were also readily available.
‘Unfortunately, they are sold at quite a markup in the crew shop. It’s $15/£11.57 for a small box that would cost $4/£3.08 at Walmart.’
Crew members have to pay for WIFI
‘The WIFI situation for crew members on cruise ships is nothing short of highway robbery,’ says Lauren, who explains that staff have to ‘shell out absurd amounts of money for a connection so sluggish it feels like we’re sending messages in a bottle’.
Lauren is pictured above with a fellow crew member in costume for a show
She says: ‘Maritime law now requires ships to provide a basic level of WiFi but, let’s be real, that’s just a technicality.
‘Most cruise lines offer a barebone WhatsApp-only plan. No photos, no videos, no calls.
‘While some cruise lines (shoutout to Virgin Voyages) have stepped up and provided free WiFi to their crew, the vast majority still nickel-and-dime their employees for a service that, in 2025, should be a given.’
Karaoke is the highlight of the crew bar
Most of the staff tend to hit the crew bar at the end of the shift because as Lauren says: ‘Where else are you going to go?’
And the best night at the crew bar? It’s ‘undisputedly’ Karaoke Night, says Lauren.
She explains: ‘The crew is overwhelmingly Filipino and if you know anything about Filipino culture, you know karaoke isn’t just a pastime, it’s practically a birthright. These aren’t your average, half-drunk, off-key renditions of Sweet Caroline.
‘These are powerhouse vocals, the kind that make you wonder why half the people in the room don’t have record deals. The talent at Karaoke Night never ceases to amaze me.’
Crew have a survival tactic to avoid passengers on land
Lauren explains that ‘passengers will stop the crew in port [to ask questions] without fail’.
And while it’s ‘harmless’, she says crew members often just ‘want to be invisible for an hour or two’ when they’re not on the ship.
How do they escape curious passengers?
The entertainer reveals: ‘You learn survival tactics fast. A hat, big sunglasses, headphones. Walk with purpose, head down.
‘Sometimes it’s easiest to throw cash at the problem. Buy a resort day-pass, sit by a pool with free WiFi and no sight of passengers or crew. Worth every penny for a couple of hours of anonymity.’
Want more from Lauren? Follow her on TikTok (@laurenheav) or Instagram (@laurenheav).
Karaoke Night is a highlight onboard the ship, says Lauren. She’s pictured above performing onboard