From the outside, celebrities often seem to have it all: Stunning looks, wealth, a gorgeous partner, an army of fans, an enviable wardrobe, beautiful homes, a dedicated glam squad… so why do so many also have a penchant for complaining?
A mental health expert told the Daily Mail that MOANING is addictive, and even the rich and famous can struggle to free themselves from its clutches.
Debbie Keenan, a BACP senior accredited psychotherapist, explained that it’s human nature to focus on the negatives.
This is because our brains have evolved to stay alert for potential dangers and threats—but while they once would have looked like a sabre-toothed tiger or landslide, now we often get worked up about relatively minor inconveniences.
Ms Keenan said: ‘This is called negative bias, and unfortunately it is more powerful than positive bias.
‘Imagine a net, which is your mind, and as your thoughts pass through, only the bad ones get caught, sticking like velcro.
‘Thoughts are not facts, we have about 60,000 of them a day and we hang on to the negative ones, we let all the positive ones go!
‘If someone said one criticism about you, and 20 other people said positive things, it would be the negative criticism you’d be thinking about tonight.’
Molly-Mae Hague complained to fans about a disappointing trip in a £86,000 motorhome
Last month, former Love Island winner Molly-Mae Hague was blasted by fans for ‘always moaning’.
The mother-of-one, 26, raised eyebrows when told fans she’s ‘not done one fun thing all summer’ despite glamorous holidays in Dubai, France and Spain, plus a staycation at Center Parcs.
She also vented about a disappointing family trip to the Isle of Man with her partner Tommy Fury and their daughter Bambi, 2.
It was their first trip out in Tommy’s new £86,000 motorhome; but Molly-Mae used the video to complain about the traffic and having to change her daughter’s routine—leaving fans shaking their heads in dismay.
And there were more moans to come.
Speaking in a vlog posted to her 2million YouTube followers, she said: ‘I said to a friend the other day, that I’m going to make it to the end of summer having not done one fun thing.’
Ms Keenan understands that people naturally become frustrated, but there’s a time and a place to let it out—and it’s not on social media.
She said: ‘If you want to vent, social media probably is not the healthiest place to do it.
On paper, celebrities often seem to have it all (Pictured, Molly-Mae Hague, Tommy Fury and Bambi)
‘When celebrities with millions and millions of followers—from all walks of life, who follow them for escapism—start moaning, it’s like they’re a standing on a pedestal in a pair of Louboutin heels complaining that their feet hurt while everyone walks around on the pavement barefoot.
‘People look up to them, and they’re moaning and groaning about things that may be minor.
‘They’re complaining about their holiday to Dubai and a luxury lifestyle most people can never access, while their fans are struggling to make ends meet.
‘It comes kind of from a place of privilege and entitlement and it’s kind of a slap in the face for their followers who are struggling.
‘You can’t help but think, “What’s the intent? Why are they doing it? Is it for attention? Is it for validation? Is it self esteem, or is it something deeper?”
‘It’s quite sad, really.’
When Ms Keenan works with clients who are caught up in negative thought loops, she teaches them cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques to help nip them in the bud.
‘If you’re constantly offloading and moaning, it can become a vicious cycle until you don’t even know you’re doing it any more,’ she said.
Talking therapy can help get negativity under control (file photo)
But when it comes to influencers, the nature of the industry means they are often surrounded by hangers-on and yes men who enable their behaviour, plus adoring fans who validate their every word.
Furthermore, moaning can be good for business: so when their monetised videos are clocking up millions of views and generating thousands of pounds, there can be little incentive to change tact.
She said: ‘They’re often surrounded by people pleasers who don’t want to call them out on their behaviour. It becomes rooted and ingrained. It becomes a behaviour whih can be quite toxic.
‘Because it’s not challenged, they’re going to do it more and more.
‘And when it comes to social media, they’re going to do it even more the next day, because people are sympathising and validating what they’re saying.
‘And even if they’re not sympathetic or in agreement with the content, people are commenting and interacting, they are still giving it their attention.
‘It can quickly snowball.’
Working as an accredited BCAAP therapist, Ms Keenan often deals with clients who can’t shake themselves out of a glass half empty mindset, even if they’re not diagnosed with depression or another mental health condition.
Molly-Mae said: ‘Summer will end and I’ve not done one fun social thing.’
‘The reasons for negative thinking can deep rooted; it might be related to low self esteem or low self worth,’ she said.
‘They might have learned in childhood that moaning was the only way to get attention, to get validation, to get their voice heard.
‘Maybe moaning and complaining was the only way they could get people to listen to them.
‘It can be also be a sign of unmet emotional needs. Someone who is constantly moaning may have deeper issues, perhaps they’re lonely, or they’re isolated.’
As the old adage goes, misery loves company—but ironically, incessant moaning can leave you isolated because people can quickly get fed up of making an effort with persistent doom-mongers.
‘You could be moaning for decades, and you might find that people stop listening to you,’ she said.
But, worryingly, things can go the other way.
Ms Keenan said: ‘Happiness is infectious, but so is negativity—if it’s left unchecked, it spreads like water.’
Molly-Mae also came under fire for griping to her sister Zoe—who left fans reeling after moaning that her 5* trip to Bali wasn’t luxurious as she expected and she was leaving the Indonesian island for the more familiar climes of Dubai—that she had had a rotten summer.
Molly-Mae said: ‘Zoe, I haven’t socialised once. I’m going to get to the end of this summer having not done one social fun thing.
‘I haven’t a life. That’s not good is it. Summer will end and I’ve not done one fun social thing.’
It left some fans open-mouthed as they called out how she failed to acknowledge the three holidays she’s already been on this year not to mention a glamorous trip to watch the tennis at Wimbledon while wearing a pricey designer outfit.
Ms Keenan said that one of the best ways to combat negativity in ourselves is to face it head on.
‘Write down the negative thought, evidence for, evidence against—not your opinion, just the facts.
‘Start to learn to be grateful, write down what you have in your life and what’s going well, because it won’t all be negative, unless you’re really in a in bad way.
‘When you have a negative thought, take a breath. You don’t have to accept it, thoughts are not facts.’
