When you reach midlife, it can suddenly seem like all the things that kept you fit and well in your younger years are no longer cutting it.
Well, you’re not imagining it.
‘People have specific physiological and psychological needs in midlife,’ psychologist James Davis tells Daily Mail Australia.
James is a mentor, podcast host and author of ‘The Midlife Male Handbook’.
‘Midlife isn’t a curse, it’s an opportunity to redefine goals and live with purpose,’ he says.
When it comes to men especially, some lifestyle changes are critical for maintaining a healthy mind, body and sex life.
‘We often think that younger men have the best sex lives, but it doesn’t have to be this way. By targeting specifics, we can help men prevent burnout, achieve peak performance – and have incredible sex in their midlife years. As midlifers, we’re constantly told we need to have it all figured out but, in fact, most of us don’t!’
James is a multi-award-winning coach with more than a decade of experience helping support people towards living their best life after 40. He began his career in the fast-paced world of media, holding senior roles at MTV and News International, before moving to Ibiza to set up a retreats business and retrained in coaching, fitness, nutrition and hormonal health.
Lifestyle changes can dramatically reduce men’s risk of erectile dysfunction in later life, says midlife mentor James Davis (pictured here with his partner)
After going through a divorce in his 40s and experiencing his own midlife reckoning, he shifted focus. Drawing on his background in psychology and personal transformation, he is now passionate about helping men navigate the challenges of midlife and turn them into opportunities for growth, vitality and confidence.
‘As we age, our hormones change,’ he says.
‘In men, testosterone, the hormone responsible for muscle mass, energy, confidence, and libido – starts to decline gradually, often from the mid-30s onwards. This decline, combined with increased stress and lifestyle pressures, can lead to symptoms like low energy, brain fog, poor sleep, reduced sex drive, and even mild depression.
‘At the same time, oestrogen levels can rise slightly in men, which can further affect mood and body composition. The result? Men often feel like a shadow of their former selves without fully understanding why.’
For men to be strong and have the best sex of their lives in midlife, it’s important to work with hormones rather than against. That means supporting natural testosterone production through strength training, quality sleep, reducing alcohol and processed sugars, managing stress effectively, and ensuring adequate micronutrient intake, particularly zinc, magnesium, and vitamin D.
‘For some, testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) might be worth exploring with medical support, but lifestyle is always the foundation,’ James adds.
‘Strength training in particular is a powerful tool, not just for muscle, but for boosting testosterone, mood, and confidence.
‘We know that men’s physical strength and sexual health are deeply linked to hormonal health, strength training, stress, and lifestyle choices — and midlife is a time where hormones and psychological pressures can impact libido.’
‘Strength training in particular is a powerful tool, not just for muscle, but for boosting testosterone, mood, and confidence,’ adds James
James says men in their 40s and 50s can have better sex than they did in their 20s if they prioritise certain aspects of their health
James highlights studies that show men in midlife who exercise regularly and are fit have much lower incidence of erectile dysfunction than sedentary males.
‘So, at midlife there are a lot of potential lifestyle tweaks men can make to both stay strong and have great sex at midlife,’ he says, adding that understanding hormone health is crucial.
‘Testosterone in men declines at one to three per cent, per year after peaking in the early twenties, which means that by the time a man is in his 50s, testosterone levels could be 30 to 50 per cent lower than they were in his twenties, so lifestyle strategies to boost testosterone can help.’
These include:
• Prioritising resistance training (especially compound lifts like squats, deadlifts and bench press)
• Reducing sugar and alcohol intake, both of which are linked to lowered testosterone
• Getting seven to nine hours of quality sleep a night, as testosterone is produced during deep sleep
• Managing stress as cortisol (the stress hormone) directly suppresses testosterone
• Ensuring adequate vitamin D, zinc, and magnesium – all vital for hormone production
Strength training is key
‘The science says we need to hit each muscle group twice a week with at least a 48-hour rest before we hit again, so the ideal amount is three to four sessions per week, focusing on full-body or upper/lower body split workouts, and incorporating compound lifts like the squat and bench press with recruit multiple muscle groups,’ James says.
‘For men, regular strength training with compound lifts helps maintain muscle, boost testosterone and cardiovascular fitness can help with libido and erectile function.’
Men can also look at their diets.
‘Sugar, alcohol, and processed foods are linked to low libido, poor energy and inflammation. Some of the most common downfalls I see are “reward eating” at the end of a long, stressful day, habitual snacking or using alcohol to unwind.’
Instead, men can make simple but powerful swaps:
• Swap high-sugar snacks for protein-rich options like Greek yoghurt or nuts
• Replace processed carbs (like white bread or pastries) with whole grains such as oats, quinoa, or brown rice
• Reduce alcohol intake, even cutting back to a few nights a week can have a noticeable impact on energy, sleep, and libido
• Focus on colourful vegetables, lean protein and healthy fats to support hormone production and keep inflammation low
‘Make sure your protein intake is high as this helps build new muscle and keeps you feeling fuller for longer,’ adds James.
Aim for around 1.6–2.2 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight, depending on training intensity.
Mental health
‘Stress, performance anxiety and relationship strain all feed into sex drive and performance,’ says James.
‘Chronic stress raises cortisol levels, which suppresses testosterone and leaves men feeling flat, disconnected, and even more anxious, it becomes a vicious cycle.’
Building mental resilience and emotional regulation can help. Practices such as breathwork, journaling, and cognitive behavioural techniques are effective for managing performance anxiety and negative self-talk.
Equally important is prioritising downtime, connection, and asking for support when needed, whether that’s through a coach, therapist or a trusted friend.
Of course, men are not machines; connection and intimacy are also important in helping men to achieve incredible midlife sex lives.
Open communication and emotional safety are vital for satisfying sex lives in midlife relationships.
‘Too often, couples drift into routine or avoid tough conversations about sex. But when men feel seen, respected and connected emotionally, their confidence and desire naturally rise. The best sex of your life often comes not from spontaneity, but from intentional connection, trust and presence.’
Take Robert, a 52-year-old client who came to James feeling disconnected from his wife of 20 years.
‘He thought the problem was purely physical,’ James explains.
‘But it turned out they hadn’t had a proper conversation about sex or emotional needs in years. It’s important to remember that it’s rarely ever about the sex, it’s more to do with intimacy and connection.’
With guidance, Robert and his wife began setting aside time each week to talk openly – not just about sex, but about how they were feeling and what they needed emotionally.
‘Once they re-established that connection, the spark returned in ways neither of them expected,’ says James.
‘They started experimenting again, laughing more, and both reported feeling more confident, sexy, and deeply connected both physically and emotionally.’
The Midlife Male Handbook is out now in all good bookshops
Read more about James here and here.
