For some, sitting in silence during a date can feel excruciatingly awkward.
But a new study suggests that it can actually be a good thing for couples – in certain circumstances.
Researchers from the University of Reading wanted to explore how different kinds of silences can affect couples.
Across four studies they asked participants to reflect on silent episodes they had experienced in relationships.
Some were assigned to write about a particular kind of silence based on what triggered it, while others wrote about a silent episode from a bad relationship in their past.
They reported how often such silences occurred, their emotions during them, and how they felt about their relationship.
Analysis revealed the reason for a silence was a major factor in how it affected their emotions and the relationship.
Couples who saw their silence as anxious or hostile – possibly triggered by a disagreement – reported more negative emotions.
For some there is nothing worse than sitting in silence, but researchers have been exploring the upside of a muted moment
The research revealed that for many couples, silence can be linked to previously traumatic experiences, while to others it can invoke feelings of comfort
However, intrinsic silences that felt comfortable were linked with positive emotions and higher ratings of how well the relationship fulfilled their needs.
During these comfortable silences, positive feelings were ‘low-arousal’ meaning they were relaxed and peaceful rather than happy or excited, the team found.
Writing in the journal Motivation and Emotion they said: ‘Silence shared between partners is a rich and understudied feature of romantic relationships.
‘Consider two exchanges between romantic partners: They look into each other’s eyes sharing intimacy and mutual understanding, or a glance instead expresses judgement and displeasure.
‘In both instances, nothing is said yet much is communicated. Silence shared between individuals can mean a multitude of things.
‘It may…reflect intimacy or the lack of intimacy shared between partners.’
They said that silence can either be ‘constructive’ or ‘destructive’ depending on circumstance.
‘Silence may play a generally positive role in romantic exchanges and is unlikely to be an unpleasant aspect of relationships unless it is motivated in a negative way,’ they concluded.
