Within weeks of birthing my child I became suicidal – my early signs of a post-baby breakdown

Like every new mother, the feeling of her first born being placed on Lisa Abramson’s chest after childbirth was a moment of pure bliss.

‘I had never felt better and was happy to have extra energy. I was on a high as I left hospital, even attending my morning spin class at 6am a few days after giving birth.’

However, she was was unaware that this burst of manic energy was one of the first warning signs of a rare mental breakdown that occurs in new moms, known as postpartum psychosis. 

Within a month, the feeling of love for her daughter Lucy quickly turned to anxiety, then paranoia, then suicidal thoughts. 

‘I went temporarily insane,’ the now 41-year-old tells DailyMail.com. At one point, her paranoia peaked and she believed she was being spied on at home and snipers were coming to get her for a crime she hadn’t committed. 

As her mental state deteriorated, the typically smiley blonde contemplated throwing herself from Golden Gate Bridge because she believed her family would be better off without her.

Thanks to quick action from her friends and family, Mrs Abramson was diagnosed with severe postpartum psychosis and she spent 10 days in a psychiatric ward. 

After a combination of medicines helped stabilize her, the Tennessee-based mom was then able to rejoin her family, who helped continue the process of rehabilitation. 

Detailing how her postpartum psychosis developed, Mrs Abramson said: ‘After the birth of my first daughter, Lucy, I was immediately smitten with her and very protective that she get the best care possible.

‘But within weeks I had reached breaking point. Having a baby had caused me to go I went temporarily insane  

‘When I had trouble breastfeeding and my baby wasn’t gaining weight quickly enough, I was worried and felt guilty for not being able to provide for her. 

‘Our pediatrician recommended I breastfeed, and then pump any remaining milk and bottle feed that breastmilk to the baby every two hours. 

‘This extra energy I once felt quickly depleted and I started to have trouble sleeping at night even when my husband was helping with the night shifts. 

‘As I got more and more exhausted, my mood plummeted. I felt an overwhelming sense that I was failing as a mom and the guilt of not being perfect weighted on me heavily.’

Action on Postpartum Psychosis, a UK-based maternal mental health charity, says that new moms with the condition might start feeling ‘very energetic and like “super-mum” or agitated and restless.’ 

These highs are then followed by extreme lows, with frequent crying, fatigue, guilt, and anxiety thrown into the mix. 

Unfortunately, very little is known about the causes of postpartum psychosis. There are likely to be many factors that lead to an episode, including sleep deprivation, the big hormonal changes that happen after birth, stress, and in some cases prior mental health issues.

For Mrs Abramson, she didn’t have any mental health concerns prior to it and it was an isolated incident for her. 

Describing how her mental state slowly spiraled, she told DailyMail.com: ‘In trying to keep up with this aggressive feeding schedule, I began to get more and more stressed and exhausted, and with this, I also became confused. 

‘As I became more sleep deprived, I cycled in and out of a dreamlike state, and started becoming paranoid and afraid. 

After a combination of medicines helped stabilize her, Mrs Abramson was then able to rejoin her family, who helped her continue the process of rehabilitation

‘Eventually, this feeling like I had lost my mind terrified me so much I asked my husband and mom who was staying with us if I should go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.’ 

One night, she was so delusional, she convinced herself that there were spy cameras outside of her window at home and snipers on the roof. 

She recalled: ‘I thought that the police were coming to get me for a crime that I was wrongly accused of. 

‘I thought that any minute, they were going to come and bust through my front door and take me away. In other words, I had lost my mind.’

In the throes of postpartum psychosis back in 2014, Mrs Abramson said that this question to her loved ones seemed ‘very rational’ and killing herself ‘felt like the only escape from this terrifying confusion and paranoia.’

Thanks to prompt treatment in the hospital and with medication, the new mom was able to make a full recovery.  

While postpartum psychosis was a harrowing experience, the executive coach says it didn’t put her off having another child

She said while she contemplated taking her own life, she never contemplated killing her baby, which is what happens to some new moms while they are experiencing a manic episode. 

Action on Postpartum Psychosis notes that one common symptom of postpartum psychosis is moms feeling that their baby is ‘connected to God or the Devil in some way.’ 

Along with medication, Mrs Abramson said a combination of sleep, family support, meditation, acupuncture, and weekly cognitive behavioral (CBT) therapy sessions were ‘crucial’ in her recovery. 

While postpartum psychosis was a harrowing experience, the business leadership coach says it didn’t put her off having another child.  

Thankfully, she did not experience the condition, or even mild symptoms, with the birth of her second daughter three years later in 2017.

For other new moms experiencing postpartum depression or psychosis, Mrs Abramson offers some tips. 

She concludes: ‘New moms need to know that they aren’t alone and that it will get better. 

‘Postpartum psychosis is a medical emergency, but it’s also a treatable and temporary illness. 

‘Unfortunately there is still some shame and stigma around receiving mental health support, so this prevents moms from speaking up when symptoms arise. 

‘I think there are five important things that moms going through this should remember; one, it is not your fault. 

‘Two, you’re not alone. Three, there’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. 

‘Four, this doesn’t make you a bad mom and it has nothing to do with how much you love your child. 

‘And five, you will get better, just make sure you get help right away.’

Mrs Abramson’s book, Permission to Fail: The Overachiever’s Guide to Becoming Unstoppable, shares more details about overcoming postpartum psychosis