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You cannot scroll on social media, watch television or even make a purchase online without being inundated with advertisements for sports gambling and prediction markets. Companies are spending millions to make sure we see them, and their primary target audience is young men.
Data from the Institute for Family Studies confirms just how deeply this has taken hold: roughly one-third (35%) of young men gamble daily or weekly. This is not the only digital habit growing among young men today. Nearly half (42%) watch pornography daily or weekly, and most young men (86%) play video games daily or weekly.
This is what some people refer to as the “addiction economy.” As a pastor, I know young men who engage in these things every day. And, to be honest, I’m not surprised. More than half (61%) of young men say they often feel they have little control over the things happening to them. Coping with this pervasive felt lack of agency drives them toward digital escapes that offer a temporary illusion of control, thrill or connection.
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Yet, we know two crucial things about today’s young men: they’re ambitious — and they’re vulnerable. An overwhelming majority (84%) of young men say they have ambitious plans for their future. They want to grow. They want to succeed, and in some sense feel that they’re capable of doing so.
Young men are coping with the obvious downside of the ‘Addiction Economy.’ (iStock)
But they’re also profoundly isolated and frustrated. They’re facing a world where the paths to traditional success — like career success, homeownership, marriage, children and more — feel washed away or blocked. They struggle with the ability to make friends with other young men or relate to young women.
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The addiction economy demands young men’s attention, time and money, and undermines their vision for a successful life. Left unchecked, society and commercial forces will continue to exploit or ignore their tendency at early ages to use things to numb pain, deal with anxiety, or cope with discouragement. But the true role of society should be to help them fulfill their aspirations for good and build lives of purpose.
If we don’t offer them a better vision for their lives, the addiction economy will gladly fill the void. Older generations are quick to notice and criticize young men for retreating into digital vices, but scolding and shaming have never produced excellence. Young men may be demoralized, but they haven’t given up. What they need is a guide and a path forward. They need to know they can build a life they actually want and can inhabit.
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Young men need formation and support if they are to develop their open-ended sense of potential and ambition into real success and healthy relationships with peers, colleagues and romantic partners. They are capable of building good and desirable lives for themselves, and of attaining real excellence. But they need help to do so. And any invested, stable adult is capable of providing the support they need. Their needs are ultimately simple, though urgent.
So, go out of your way to establish strong, authentic, transparent relationships with the young men in your life. Show them they’re not alone, that they’re not unique in their struggles. Provide relatability and accountability, hand in hand. These relationships will help remove the burden of guilt, of embarrassment, of shame for young men. This is part of being a human. We’re all going to struggle, often with the same things. These common struggles allow us to encourage and remind young men that they have the ability to overcome them.
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It’s also important to help young men feel like they have agency in their own lives, and that their lives have meaning. They have a lot of questions: how to be successful, find a fulfilling job, make friends and navigate dating. Often, we have to help them find answers and take practical steps to feel more in control of their future. Make sure they have the space they need to ask important questions and share vulnerable feelings or experiences, without feeling judged, dismissed or doubted.
Young men also need a clear vision for their lives, and a clear vision of how they fit into their own communities. Help them develop their ambitions into specific plans. Help them come to know and understand how much impact they can have, just by showing up to serve. Whether at work, at church, in their friendships or in their families, young men need opportunities to contribute, make a difference and see that their lives matter to the people around them.
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We as their mentors have to help them build lives they want to live. And in order to help them build those lives, we must step into their present lives without fear, without judgment and without hesitation. They want to succeed — they just need our support.
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The addiction economy that has them firmly in its grasp isn’t something to be feared. It is one of the most profound opportunities for us to enter and help change the course of the lives of young men.
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It’s time we stepped in.
