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San Antonio Spurs star Victor Wembanyama is a lot of things — an NBA star, tall, etc. — but one thing he is not is an amusement park ride guy.
Wemby and the Spurs are gearing up for their season opener against the Oklahoma City Thunder on Tuesday night, and ahead of it, the team went off to Six Flags Fiesta Texas.
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That’s not a bad idea. Blow off some steam, do a little team bonding, cram turkey legs in your face until you puke.
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San Antonio Spurs star Victor Wembanyama said that he opted not to go on rides during the team’s visit to Six Flags Fiesta Texas. (Photos by Michael Gonzales/NBAE via Getty Images))
But if Wembanyama was going to regurgitate turkey legs, it wasn’t going to be because of spinning or G-forces experienced on rides. He told reporters that he doesn’t do them.
Now, we all know that the world is not made for those measuring 7’4″. It’s made for those of us measuring 5’10” (*raises hand*), which is nature’s perfect height.
Tall enough to reach things and avoid short jokes, short enough to fit comfortably on planes.
But I realized that Wemby actually has an advantage here, being an ultra-tall guy: he has a built-in excuse to sit out the scariest, most aggressive roller coasters.
Nothing is more emasculating than being the “I’ll stand here and watch the bags while everyone else goes and rides the Pelvis Crusher or whatever” guy. It’s a brutal look and tough to come back from. It’s a moment that can completely change someone’s perception of you.
I did it on a sixth-grade field trip, and I still sometimes think about changing my name and dyeing my hair to hide from the shame.
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“Yeah, I think I’ll sit this one out and grab a funnel cake while you guys ride because I’m too tall to do so safely and definitely not because I’m scared of going upside down.”-Victor Wembanayma (probably) (Photo by Lie Ma/Xinhua via Getty)
However, if Wemby says he’s going to take a rain check on a coaster that launches you into the sky like Peter “Maverick” Mitchell taking off from an aircraft carrier, they’ll just assume it’s because he can’t fit or doesn’t want to accidentally bonk his head on the roof while pulling back into the station.
It’s kind of brilliant. You sit it out, and no one rags on you for the rest of your life.
Now that’s the kind of trade-off I’d take for dealing with decades of “how’s the weather up there?” jokes.
